MARCH 19, 2026:

Hello :D Nice to meet you, internet, I hope I find you well. For me, I am three hours into my cafe residency drinking pepper elixir(?), procrastinating on studying for my plasma physics mid-term. Today I finally got the structure of this website down to the point where I feel safe to begin population with my dearest thoughts and treasures. At the time of writing I mean for this site to be my stepping-off point from social media reliance; I desire a place to at least share my work that feels like it is my own. In the future I hope to make this all so much less one-sided, to provide a space for community of some kind. Oh, the future. Wish me luck lest the magnetohydrodynamics drown me completely.

-xoxo Ruth

MARCH 29, 2026:

Hello again lovelies! Since my last post I have not moved the needle on this page even one bit though I consider this to be for good reason! I have been living quite a lot; two midterms, two shows, countless practices, and even a date or two in the mix...

To be a total horn tooter, I somehow managed to land the highest score in my class for my plasma physics course: this is a true phenomenon seeing as I have continously struggled to do homework assignments and even follow along in the class (yay me!). Why I mainly wanted to write today though was to celebrate this weekend and the afformentioned shows which defined it.

On Friday, March 27 I played the absolute worst show of my life with Babushka. Every fear one might have before getting up on stage and performing came manifesting into life and crashing down upon me: my guitar couldn't keep tune, I couldn't seem to play well, I was out of sync with Heather, no one was into what we were playing, and I was playing through a terrible house amp (my fault, I tried to use a bass cab, foolishly, to fill out more space). I cried so hard in my car and wallowed in real, hot pain. The lesson I have been forced to learn through my past couple lived weeks though is that I am allowed to be vulnerable around my friend; through my embarrassment and fear I was saved by the reassurances and care of Heather, Jackson, and Mandy. Thank you for finding me in such a sad state and helping me back up!

Saturday was the big one, I Have No Love for Men Like You at the S.L.O.G release show. I had been antsy for this show since we were asked on and given the show on Friday, I was downright terrified to play that night. We brought three new songs, songs which are easily placed as my proudest works of songwritting, which carried the immense risk of falling short as new songs often do. There is no habit in the ritual of performance then, it is as raw and scary as it gets to me, to be exposed in some way unprepared and so vulnerable. It was the best show of my life. Somehow, inexplicable, in the middle of a bill stacked high with some of the best in the Minneapolis music scene, I felt we held our own: we played the three new songs more faithfully and with more passion then we ever played any of our familiar set and I felt so wholly, blissfully immersed in the act. You can dedicate everything in your life to performance --- how many assignments have I missed, plans have I failed to make, sleep have I lost so that I can chase this dream --- but when it comes down to being there with heart trembling, hands shaking, no safety nets the capacity to put up a good set can only ever be a stroek of pure luck.

To prevent this post from going on for ages I want to sort of end with this feeling, this sort of calmed resigning to luck, and the deep deep appreciation I hold for the people that stand with me when that luck is high, and who stay around when its low. Thank you to my friends, deeply and sincerely, you make it all bearable.

P.S. I teased it a little but I went on a totally awesome date this week despite all the busy preparations and studying I have endured, and I think the warmth that brought me, and the totally strange sting of romance in my little crazy heart, helped me to keep my head up through it all. Thank you for this connection, you know who you are :D -xoxo Ruth!